These are good coaches:
They will help you build a happier and healthier life.
Hi, I'm Nnamdi.
I struggled with sleep for 26 years.
It affected my:
I was in deep deep pain.
It was not fun.
But after two decades of reading, experimenting, and failing I finally conquered my sleep problem:
Figure 1. - A Well Rested Man.
Do not spend 26 years trying to solve your sleeping problems on your own.
Work with me for one month.
Daily sleep check-ins.
Two 1:1 sleep coaching sessions.
Free progress plan that you can keep after we are done working together.
Personalized emails containing the latest developments in sleep research.
I guarantee I will fix your sleep or your money back.
Our mission is to help imperfect people live happier and healthier lives.
This is a good counselor:
Your first meeting with her is free.
If you like her, you can become a full time client.
Post 13: You Should Drink More Water.
June 26, 2020.
There are a lot of things that you can do to improve your health.
The list goes on.
But water is by far my favorite.
If you drink enough of it, your body and brain simply start working better.
It is almost instantaneous.
It is like filling up your car with gas.
One moment you are running on fumes, and the next, you are feeling refreshed and ready to keep moving forward.
So with that, I am highly recommending that you continue to drink water.
Your Friend Who Is Very Hydrated
Post 12: Stop Making Excuses.
June 3, 2020.
Your excuses are getting in the way of you living a happy and healthy life.
If you say you are going to do something, then you should do everything in your power to do it.
Everything in your power.
I am not saying you will never fail. I am just saying that you should do your best to follow through.
To do your best means to operate at the peak of your capability.
Some days your best will be getting out of bed.
Other days your best will be accomplishing all of your tasks for the day, and more.
If you truly do your best, you never have to make excuses.
And that, is a good place to be.
Your Friend Who Used To Make A Lot Of Excuses
Post 11: Be Impeccable With Your Word.
June 2, 2020.
I am going to make a simple request of you.
Your Friend Who Used To Be Quiet, Then Started Talking A Lot, And Now Talks A Lot Less
Post 10: You Should Start Being More Generous Right Now.
May 6, 2020.
Generosity is an excellent treatment for depression, anxiety, and poor relationships.
(You should go and read the above article when you are done here. - it is awesome)
There is simply no doubt that giving is the source of a lot of joy.
Yet, for many of us, we do not give much at all.
Sure, maybe we will give if we are having a good day, have a little bit of change in our pocket, and a few minutes to spare.
But for the most part it's either:
"I don't have any money on me"
"I just don't have the time"
"I don't know if this will help them"
I have given all these excuses.
And frankly, at some points, I think they were justified.
But each time I passed up on the opportunity help someone else, I was also passing up on an opportunity to help myself.
So here is my plea to you.
Implement a routine of generosity.
One thing per day or per week that will genuinely help someone else.
Think about what gift they would appreciate.
Then do it.
It might be a meal.
It might be cleaning up something for them.
It does not have to be monetary.
It just has to be done with love.
And I promise you, that your life will improve 10 fold.
Your Friend Who Would Like For All Of Us Including Himself To Be More Generous
Post 9: How To Instantaneously Reduce Your Stress.
May 6, 2020.
If you clicked on this blog post there is a good chance that you are stressed right now.
Take a deep breath my love.
Take another one.
Reducing your stress is easy.
In addition to doing the breathing we just did, there is a simple mental exercise you can do the next time you are feeling stressed.
If you are like me, even thinking about the next time you are going to feel stressed makes you stressed, so let's just try it now.
What you are going to do is take another slow, deep breath.
And while taking that slow deep breath, you are going to look around in your environment and notice five new things.
Five new things that were previously unaware to your conscious mind.
This is something I was taught by my coach and meditation teacher.
I know because I have had serious bouts of stress for nearly 26 years.
I'm even kind of stressed right now as I write this sentence.
Trying it out again as I write and....
Feel better instantly.
I can't see you right now, but I hope that it is working for you.
If it is not working, you can personally send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will apologize.
Your Friend Who Does Not Want To See You Stressed
Post 8: You Can Always Improve Your Situation.
May 6, 2020.
You can always improve your situation.
But first know why you want to improve your situation.
Understand why you are doing the work that you are doing.
Is it for others?
Is it for your parents?
Is it for acceptance?
Is it for your own sense of accomplishment?
Only you know that answer.
But answering it will make perseverance natural.
You won't need a blog post to tell you to keep going.
Your Friend Who Believes He Can Always Improve His Situation
Post 7: Meditations In a 24 Hour Fast.
April 20, 2020.
Fasting is really good.
If you can push past the first few hunger pangs, your brain starts to become very sharp.
It feels like you have gone from dial up to 5G.
Then there are the benefits to your body.
Right now I am about 19 hours into my fast.
I feel pretty good.
Amazing in fact.
Blissful in fact.
I feel like can accomplish anything.
There is a lot calmness and equanimity.
I used to fast a lot when I was in college.
But I wasn't "fasting".
I was starving myself.
I struggled with body dysmorphia and binge eating.
I would eat close to 9000 calories worth of food in a matter of hours, then go workout for 5+ hours, then not eat anything for the next day.
The result was a lot of pain, a lot of shame, and a lot of suffering.
I would not be focused on eating healthy foods.
All I cared about was calories, and the number on the scale.
I would calculate the calories consumed.
I would calculate the calories burned through my BMR.
I would calculate the calories burned through my exercise.
And work relentlessly until my calorie deficit was at least above 200.
Health be damned.
Today, it is a much different story.
I care a lot about my body.
I care a lot about my health.
I was surprised to find out that this habit which I once used to harm my health, could actually be used for good.
As a result of my years of training (read: suffering) I can now complete a 24 hour fast with ease.
Especially now with the knowledge that I am helping my body.
Not harming it.
So if you are going through some suffering right now.
If you are not being nice to yourself.
Know that the crucible you are going through might be there to strengthen you and teach you something important.
Just something to think about.
Your Friend That Fasts
Post 6: Seven Easy Steps To Being More Trustworthy.
April 20, 2020.
People trust people who are trustworthy.
Trustworthy people have tell tale traits.
They do what they say they are going to do.
They typically do not engage in gossip.
When you call or text them, you can usually expect an answer right away.
But you cannot merely adopt these traits and become "trustworthy".
That is like saying that you are a pizza because you covered yourself in bread, sauce, cheese, and pepperonis.
Sure, you look like an idiot, but you are most definitely not a pizza.
I looked like an idiot for a lot of years.
I would do everything I could to study how "trustworthy" people moved.
I literally read a book called "HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE" in order to get people to trust me.
I was literally manipulating people into trusting me.
Again, like I said, idiot.
Now, if we take it back to our pizza analogy, there are plenty of folks who might think that a grown man covered in Pizza toppings is actually a Pizza.
Pubescent High Schoolers.
These people also can be pretty easily deceived into believing that the guy who is intentionally pretending to be trustworthy, is indeed trustworthy.
But most reasonable people can see right through this performance.
They know right off the bat that you are not a pizza.
And they will entertain you until you are out of their sight, and then run as far away from you as possible.
Because being trustworthy is not something that you need techniques for.
It is something that you are.
The behaviors are simply a natural consequence.
So if you are reading this, and you think you might fall into the category of the guy covered in pizza toppings, just stop.
Clean yourself up.
Go take a shower.
Then be a trustworthy person.
You know what that means.
You do not need a book (or a blog) to explain it to you.
Your Positivity Provider
Post 5: Ten Reasons Why I Take Cold Showers.
April 13, 2020.
I only take cold showers.
I took a cold shower this evening.
I did not want to take a cold shower this evening.
I almost took a
lukewarm shower this evening.
I am glad I did not do that this evening.
I am glad I took a cold shower this evening.
They do a couple of things for me:
1. They make me feel super human.
2. They make me very happy.
3. They give me a lot of energy.
4. They give me a lot of focus.
5. They give me a lot of clarity.
6. They make me more resilient.
7. They make me write better.
8. They make me more confident.
9. They get me where I need to be.
10. They remind me who I am.
I love cold showers.
It took me about 10 minutes to get into my cold shower this evening.
The first 5 minutes consisted of pacing and google searches about the benefits of cold showers, and whether I should do one in the evening.
Deep down, I knew I was going to take a cold shower regardless of the search results.
But something about the opinion of a random blogger gives me an additional sense of comfort before I jump in.
There was a moment this evening, however, where I considered not taking a cold shower.
In fact, I went as far as to turn the water to warm, and run my fingers underneath it.
It felt good.
But It mostly felt like weakness.
It felt like I was admitting defeat.
I started taking cold showers about a year ago.
It was the day after I submitted my leave of absence request from law school.
I wanted to become an entrepreneur.
I think I had read somewhere that entrepreneurs took cold showers.
So I started taking them.
The first one was pure bliss.
This isn't a placebo effect.
It does feel good.
[notice how even the simple addition of a hyperlink makes me seem less crazy]
It always feels good.
But before I get in, my body forgets how good it feels.
My body instinctively fears the cold temperatures.
I have to use my mind to will my body past it's natural resistance to do something that I know will make it happier and healthier.
It's like if a toddler has a painful cavity.
He may hate the dentist, and cry the entire way there, but you, the adult, know deep down that this will help him alleviate the pain and get healthier all at once.
So you strap him into the car seat and you go for a ride.
That is what I do with my body each time that I go in my cold shower.
It shows me that I can will myself to do things that may not be pleasurable up front, but will ultimately help me be happier and healthier once I go through with it.
But I am just a crazy person.
So who knows.
Your Crazy Cold-Showering Friend
Post 4: Thinking and Minding.
April 7, 2020.
Hope that you are doing well.
I want to talk to you briefly about thinking.
It is a cool feature.
It all occurs within the brain.
Thinking has brought me pleasure.
Thinking has brought me suffering.
Thinking has been useful.
Thinking has been useless.
Thoughts fall apart.
I frequently spend time paying attention to my thoughts.
This is called: mindfulness.
It feels good.
More importantly, however, it is good.
"That which frequently arises in the mind, becomes the inclination of the mind" - Joseph Goldstein
There is research.
The more negative and cycnical thoughts that arise in my mind, the more negative and cynical my mind becomes.
The more positive and optimistic thoughts that arise in my mind, the more positive and optimistic my mind becomes.
Therefore, these days, I am mindful of my thoughts.
Mindfulness does not allow me to control when negative thoughts arise.
But mindfulness does allow me to control how I respond to negative thoughts when they arise.
These days, I just acknowledge them, and allow them to float by and fall apart.
And in the interim, I am intentional about cultivating and emphasizing the positive thoughts in my mind.
The state of my mind depends on it.
Your Internet Friend
Post 3: Why I Stopped Complaining.
April 6, 2020.
I believe that complaining is the root of most of my problems and suffering in life, and in this blog post I will explain why.
I used to complain a lot.
I mean, truly, a lot.
Break out of the blog reading trance for a second.
If there is ANY confusion about how much I complained, simply think about the concept of "a lot" and then double it.
Triple it if you have to.
I complained a lot.
But the crazy part is, I had no idea.
I was completely oblivious to how much I was complaining.
In retrospect, however, I completely understand why.
Despite the reality, I viewed myself as the shy kid who did not make a fuss.
If I was uncomfortable during nap time, I would not say anything about it.
If someone skipped my turn in a video game, I would sit in silence and allow it.
Don't get me wrong, I felt bad about what was happening to me.
I. Was. Un. Com. For. Ta. Ble.
I also felt like it would have been worse to "complain" about it.
However, the truth is:
I was complaining the whole time.
com·plain | intransitive verb | 1: to express grief, pain, or discontent.
Although I refused to verbalize it, I would express grief, pain, discontent on a regular basis.
If I was uncomfortable during a nap, there would be a little voice in my head saying:
"This hurts so bad, why won't they just let us up. I would say something but I don't want to cause a disturbance"
If my turn was skipped during a video game, another voice would go off in my head saying:
"What is wrong with them? Why would they just skip my turn like that? They are so selfish. I'm not gonna say anything about it, but still."
But in my mind, I wasn't verbalizing those things so, therefore, I was not complaining.
Those were just my thoughts.
But as I (and my confidence) grew, I began to be more comfortable saying what was on my mind.
However, unbeknownst to me, I had trained my mind in the art of complaining.
Most of my "mind" was made up of complaints.
And so while I thought I was just a shy kid who found his voice, the truth is that I was also a constant complainer who finally learned how to talk.
Now, some of you may be saying:
"What's wrong with complaining?"
Well there's nothing wrong with it.
I am just here to tell you why I stopped complaining.
I realized that complaining was a way for me to abdicate my responsibility to do something about my situation.
When I complained in my head, I suffered, but I got the "moral" victory of "being above it" and not disturbing the peace.
When I complained out loud (knowingly or unknowingly) I also suffered, but got the satisfaction of finally "having a voice."
Sure, sometimes my complaints would result in an empathetic bystander offering some help or advice, and it "worked".
But most of the time, I continued to suffer, continued to do nothing about my situation, and attempted to gain sympathy from people who frankly have problems of their own to deal with.
I realized that by complaining, I was:
1. Not focusing on how I could improve my situation.
2. Inconveniencing others; and
3. Increasing my sense of helplessness.
When I decided to stop complaining, my energy could now be focused on doing something about my situation.
When I stopped complaining I became more valuable to those around me.
When I stopped complaining, I regained a sense of control in my life.
No longer were my pain, grief, or discomfort going to rule my day.
Now, despite the drama of the last three sentences, there are of course some times when I still find myself complaining.
But these days, I don't cling to the complaint.
I recognize that it is doing nothing to help with the situation, and I keep things moving.
And I am pleased to report, no one has skipped my turn in a video game since.
Your Electronic Homeboy
Post 2: Emotional Eating.
April 4, 2020.
I started binge eating as a toddler.
I blame it on my Dad.
Not because he wasn't there.
He would feed me, a lot.
Multiple jars of baby food.
I perhaps did not help the situation because, well, I kept opening my mouth and eating.
I can understand the position he was in.
I haven't talked to a therapist about it or anything (I
probably definitely should).
But in my gut I think that my struggles with binge eating over the years came from the fact that for me, food represented care.
Food represented love and care.
And I think this is the case for many who struggle with binge (or disordered) eating.
A stressful situation arises.
A wonderful success is achieved.
A bout of loneliness rears its head.
Food comes to the rescue.
It's exactly what you need.
Or is it?
In my case the answer is unequivocally, no.
In my case, eating in those moments is nothing more than a distraction.
A tasty distraction.
It's like if you got a splinter in your thumb right...now.
It would hurt, and you might be able to get it out if you pay attention to it.
But instead of focusing your attention on your thumb, you head to your phone, fire up Uber eats, and order as many chocolate cakes and pizzas as you can without feeling too ashamed.
The splinter remains in your thumb, and you may even push it in deeper because of your furious tapping of the "add to cart" button.
But you don't care, because your brain is awash with dopamine, excited about the delicious spread that is on the way.
But when the food is gone, and the dopamine dries up, the splinter still remains.
And so does the pain.
This was my relationship with food.
I used it to distract myself from the "splinters" in my life.
But I don't do that any more.
Instead, I simply meditate, and think about what I can do to remove the splinter from my life.
Food not necessary.
Your Online Confidant
Post 1: Meditation Is Important.
April 3, 2020.
I love meditation.
It makes my mind clear.
It helps me to be more present in my body.
It helps me to make better decisions.
It allows me to push harder in my workouts.
It is free.
It is available all the time.
I can do it by myself.
I can do it with my family.
I can do it with my friends.
There are really no downsides to it.
I do not know what took me so long to develop a regular meditation habit.
But I am extremely happy that I did.
If you are reading this, and would like to start meditating regularly, I would recommend the following meditation.
I started with 20 minutes a day.
You do what feels right to you.
Even if that's not doing anything at all.
But I can say for myself, I genuinely wish that I had started meditating sooner.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Your Online Friend